Women have been trying to sell feminism for years. Please men, view us as people and not as objects, we promise we care about you too! We desperately hunt for the definition of feminism, dying to prove that feminism is not just for women! Gender equality not female supremacy. But through trying to make feminism digestible for men, have we lost sight of what we are truly fighting for? And more importantly, are we ignoring the answer that is blatantly in front of us?
Separatism when talking about feminism is defined as ‘women choosing to separate from ostensibly male-defined, male-dominated institutions, relationships, roles and activities’. Yes, certain radical feminists such as Andrea Dworkin would suggest that separatism is men and women completely cut off from each other. Imagine a dystopian world where men live above the equator and women below, with a guarded border between – solely for the use of trading sperm for reproduction. It’s laughable, right?
But is that what we’re going for when we consider separatism? Jocelyn MacDonald explains it more simply: women should determine ‘when the walls go up and for how long, who passes through the gate and who waits outside.’ The theory does not aim to be anti-men, but pro-choice. And that’s all we’ve ever asked for. From getting the vote to abortion, to feeling safe on a night out. Women have always just asked for choice. We unconsciously practice separatism in our daily lives; it can be as small as avoiding songs with sexist lyrics to avoiding relationships with men altogether. This is why lesbianism comes up in radical feminism so much. The Huffington Post’s survey ‘Who’s Happier: Single or Married Women’ shows that men in heterosexual marriages are far happier than women in heterosexual marriages. Only 65% of women in straight relationships reach orgasm, while 95% of straight men do. Lucky us, huh? However, in lesbian relationships, 86% of women say they orgasm during sex. Same-sex couples also report less stress and tension in their relationships. So when a ‘radical’ feminist offers lesbianism as an answer for unhappy women, are they wrong?
We can infer from these statistics that men get more from women than vice versa. In 1983 feminist Marilyn Frye wrote a ten page essay called ‘Some Reflections on Separatism and Power’ (give it a read, the woman was ahead of her time) which expresses her opinion that men are parasites. She says ‘Generally speaking, the strength, energy, inspiration and nurturance of women that keeps men going, and not the strength, aggression, spirituality and hunting of men that keeps women going.’ In other words, men feed off of women and exhaust them until there is nothing left to give. Under our patriarchal society women can never really serve their needs first. Is it any wonder why women ask for women only gyms, lesbian only clubs and girl’s night at a bar?
So, is separatism that radical? Personally, I would say no. We all need a break from the men in our lives sometimes, whether it be dads, brothers or boyfriends. We label things as radical when they threaten what we know, after all, the suffragette movement of the 20s was seen as one of the most shocking developments of the time. Does feminism have to be palatable and inclusive to be taken seriously? Separatists would say no, but I’ll leave it up to you to decide.